


Language of Flowers? Language of Love

by Calcu22, Noodle_Soup_Bowl



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: (Not) Another Stucky Big Bang 2020, 1930s, Chronic Illness, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mutual Pining, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, but more like ideas about homosexuality, minor barnes sister/oc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27673265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calcu22/pseuds/Calcu22, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noodle_Soup_Bowl/pseuds/Noodle_Soup_Bowl
Summary: Seasonal flower allergies is when someone coughs up flowers due to unrequited love, commonly appearing in the spring. Admitting their love the person cures the allergy. However if they don’t, it usually disappears during the summer, only to reappear next spring. Most people don’t get it for more than one season. Most people aren’t Bucky and Steve.Inspired bythis tumblr post.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47
Collections: Not Another Stucky Big Bang 2020





	1. Bucky

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first time doing any sort of big bang, and publishing a Stucky fic.
> 
> Thank you Jax for beta'ing this fic and Noodle for the wonderful art!

Steve got sick all the time. During the late fall and winter it was the flu or once (twice) pneumonia. Summer, he got heatstroke when outside too long and often bad sunburns that would blister. Spring he had allergies so bad he had asthma attacks left and right. It was a miracle Steve was even able to graduate high school with all the classes he missed. Bucky did his best with taking notes and getting homework, but he never felt like it was enough.

It didn’t help when Bucky was out of school for a week during his senior year at the same time Steve was. Bucky was worried about his best friend’s _education_ of all things while he was coughing up petals due to unrequited love. Honestly, Bucky supposed that it was lucky that was the first time it happened, considering how bad he had it for Steve. While most of the school figured it out, lots of drama when a kid is gone during the spring after all, Steve never asked who it was for. Maybe he thought it was Carley who Bucky asked out a month later. 

Maybe Steve didn’t care because he was a good friend who would support Bucky no matter what. 

Still. Steve was always sick and Bucky was almost never sick. 19 and working on the docks, Bucky got seasonal flower allergies again, but Steve didn’t notice since he was bedridden before (and after) Bucky got over it. 

Then the following year Sarah died and Bucky moved in with Steve. 

Living with Steve was somehow the best and worst thing to ever happen to him. It wasn’t like they weren’t already living out of each other’s pocket beforehand, but at least now Bucky didn’t need to come up with any reason to check on Steve at night. 

To make sure he was still breathing.

That winter was harsh and Steve got the flu bad enough that it had Bucky spending a good chunk of his money for medication so it wouldn’t turn into pneumonia again. That meant sharing a bed was necessary since they didn’t have the extra cash to warm the place at night. Which was fine. Bucky himself was too cold most nights to be worried about his body doing anything inappropriate. But all too soon the snow melted and the flowers started budding.

It started with a cough.

“You okay there Buck?” Steve asked, finally taking his eye off the drawing he had been working on all morning.

Bucky had been bugging him ever since breakfast since today was his day off and he wanted to do something, but Steve didn’t want to waste the light. Most of it was for play since Bucky really enjoyed just watching Steve draw. It was really soothing and Steve would end up sticking his tongue out when he got really into it and...

“I’m fine. Just choked on my own spit.”

“Gross.” 

Steve went back to his drawing and Bucky slowly exhaled. Quietly, before making his way to the sink to get a glass of water. There were no petals, not yet, but his throat was still scratchy and it was taking everything in Bucky not to cough again in front of Steve.

“I’m going to the grocery store, you want anything?” Bucky ended up saying in a slightly raspy voice, but Steve didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m fine.” Which was Steve-speak for he was too busy to think about what they needed.

Usually, Bucky would roll his eyes and just do a quick check himself, but stifling another cough, Bucky ended up just leaving. He got all the way outside before it got too much. It wasn’t just a dry cough, and when he was done, Bucky had a wet pink petal lying on his hand.

Bucky knew that a lot of people believe the flowers have meaning, but he never paid attention to that. He knew what it meant. That he had a crush on his best friend who didn’t return his feelings. Or at least not in that way. 

_Which is good._ Bucky reminded himself as he walked, shoving the petal into his pocket. _Steve gets in enough fights. Last thing I need is him getting into fights because of me._

Because Bucky _knew_ Steve. Knew what Steve thinks of Fairies and people who try to “fix them”. Bucky isn’t worried about Steve finding out that he likes fellas like he likes dames, but is worried that Steve would get in more fights on his behalf. And Bucky’s worried that if Steve found out what he really thinks of him, it would make things awkward. Steve is too stubborn to break off their friendship, but Bucky knew that once the truth was out they couldn’t just go back to the way things were. The way things are now.

And things were good right now. 

Between Bucky’s jobs and Steve working in the corner market before his art classes, they are doing fine financially this month. Still less saved than what Bucky would like, but they had some savings which was better than the beginning of the year. It felt like things were finally going their way, and no way in hell was Bucky going to mess with that.

He’d just have to keep Steve from noticing since Bucky wasn’t sure if he wanted to lie to his face about this. Steve would make the connection that his case back in school was for the same person, and try figuring who that was. Who Bucky still hung out with or at the very least saw often enough to get a crush this bad. 

Steve was a lot of things, but unobservant wasn’t one of them.

It would be fine.

* * *

A few weeks passed and Bucky’s pockets were starting to fill with the pink petals. So far Steve hadn’t noticed, but Bucky felt like he was starting to push his luck.

Steve had an evening art class twice a week, which gave the perfect excuse to do some much needed laundry.

“I thought laundry was my job?” Steve had the audacity to complain.

“I got a job interview for that number-crunching position over at the glass factory tomorrow.”

“Thought you said that was next week?” Steve asked, narrowing his eyes slightly as he looked up from packing up his art supplies. 

“Mr. Jackson moved it up,” Bucky said with a shrug, since that much was true.

Mr. Jackson did move his interview up, only for the end of the week, not tomorrow.

“If you don’t like how I wash your underwear you could just say so, Bucky.”

“You wash them just fine, this is just a one-time thing. Now, don’t you need to get going to your fancy art class?” Bucky said, surprising himself with how he kept a straight face.

Steve plus his undergarments are not something he should be thinking too long about. 

“I’m going. You better not use all the soap,” Steve warned before he was gone.

Bucky got about one good breath in before his throat starting itching, reminding him of what needed to be done. Finally alone in the apartment, Bucky let himself cough freely without worrying anyone - correction Steve - hearing. It was still the same pink petals and Bucky really looked at them for a moment.

It might be a rose, which Bucky was pretty sure stood for love or something, which made his situation even worse. But there was also load of different flowers out there and it’s not like Bucky is at the point where he’s coughing up the full flower. That’s never happened to him at the very least.

Just then the door swung open and Bucky barely got his hand holding the petals crammed into his pant pockets before Steve was looking at him.

“Sorry I forgot- Uh Bucky? Are you okay?” Steve asked, his cheeks already a little red despite being outside for only a minute.

“Fine, you just...Did you forget your coat again?” Bucky realized, easily channeling his fear of getting caught into frustration of how much of an idiot Steve could be.

“I only got to the bottom of the steps before remembering, so you can’t get on me for forgetting,” Steve said before tugging his coat off the broken chair they kept by the front door for that purpose.

“Yeah I’m very proud you remembered your coat and didn’t think to walk all the way to your class and back without it. Since that has never happened before.”

“Oh fuck off, Bucky,” Steve said, but there was momentary a smile so Bucky knew he wasn’t angry despite how he closed the door a little too fast.

Bucky’s hand that was shoved in his pocket was starting to get a little sweaty from the close call, which was a good enough reason to get his job down before anything else could happen.

With petals discarded and clothes on the hanger to dry, Bucky got done with enough time to interrupt Steve’s art class if he wanted to. Which he does, since Steve is less likely to start any fight if they walk home together. Also it’s always nice to see Steve in his artist mode.

It was windy out, and the setting sun promised a chilly night, but otherwise was a very nice walk. The studio that Steve’s art classes took place in was one of those new buildings that usually would be way out of their league, but the teacher provided enough supplies that it wasn’t too bad.

Miss Clancy was someone who looked like she belonged in a museum herself, but Bucky was able to work his charm on her and was let into the class with only an eyebrow raised.

“Hey Steve, done any nude painting yet?” Bucky asked as he leaned over the canvas Steve was working on.

Steve had trouble seeing colors and kept to graphite sketches back home. Here he could use all the paint he wanted without worrying about the cost and the colorful mess showed that Steve was trying.

“I told you that was last Thursday.”

“Wait, what?”

Steve looked back with a grin on his face and a dab of green paint on the tip of his nose.

“Sad that you missed it?”

“No,” Bucky answered, his eyes keep darting from Steve’s nose to his eyes.

“Don’t worry Barnes, the guy wasn’t as cute as you.” Some girl, Abby maybe, called out from the other easel.

“It was a guy?” 

For some reason, Bucky was expecting a girl to be the model.

“We rotate the models to get everyone used to drawing different people. It’s also a paid position if you are interested, Barnes,” Miss Clancy said as she walked past.

Steve sounded like he was choking before getting out, “Bucky can’t be a model.”

“I could be a model. You draw me enough to be one,” Bucky responded before his mind caught up to what his mouth was saying.

“Oh, Steve you draw Barnes?” Maybe Abby said, and for a second, it looked like Steve wanted to throw his paintbrush at her.

“Not like _that_.”

Bucky wasn’t really interested in being naked in front of the class, but the fact Steve was getting so worked up about the idea made him want to push it.

“Hey Miss. Clancy, how’s the pay?”

“Bucky, don’t.”

“$5 if you only do this class, $20 if you’re willing to model for my other classes as well. You’re a keen example of a young healthy male after all.”

“Hear that Steve? I’m a keen example of a young- oof,” Bucky started to brag before Steve elbowed him in the side.

“Stop joking. You can’t even sit long enough for me to sketch your hand.”

“Well, maybe I just didn’t have the right motivation before,” Bucky joked back with a teasing smile, only suddenly it wasn’t a joke anymore.

Suddenly, his mind was picturing just what type of ‘motivation’ Steve could use to keep him still enough to draw. Suddenly, Steve was too close and Bucky felt his throat starting to feel tight.

“I don’t need an answer til three weeks from now Barnes, and class is dismissed.”

Bucky swallowed hard, pretty sure he swallowed a petal trying to come up, before silently moving to help Steve get packed up.

They were silent all the way to the subway station, one of the new ones, and Bucky felt like his face was going red from the effort of not coughing. It didn’t help was Steve was being uncharacteristically quiet. He didn’t even complain about them taking the train instead of walking like he usually did.

“If me modeling for your class makes you that uncomfortable, I won’t do it,” Bucky finally got out, proud of how his voice sounded completely normal.

“No, it’s not that. I just don’t know why you want to do it,” Steve said after a few minutes, his still-dirty nose scrunched up in confusion.

“Seems like a fun and easy way to make a few bucks,” _and I’ll get to spend more time with you_ , which Bucky didn’t say.

“Modeling is serious work, Bucky.”

“Come on Steve, it can’t be any harder than lifting crates during the summer at the docks, and you’ll be there.”

There were about three seconds that passed before Bucky realized he said that last bit out loud. Not that Steve acted like it was weird that he said that. Just something that any fella would tell his best friend.

“I still think you’re not taking it seriously,” Steve said, and Bucky had to shrug instead of continuing the conversation from how badly he needed to cough.

Luckily, they were walking up the steps to their apartment, and Bucky let himself fall back far enough to let the door close between them. He quickly coughed into his hand, spotting the tiny blue flowers instead of the pink petals, and shoved them into his jacket before Steve could wonder what he was doing. 

“Are you having a smoke?” Steve asked when he got to their floor, already trying to get started on dinner.

“Thought about it, forgot my lighter though,” Bucky easily lied, moving to take over since Steve was likely to catch the water on fire with his abilities to cook.

“Had it in your other coat?”

“Nah, I left it by the fire escape last night and forgot to put it back in my pocket.”

Bucky ended up being able to save dinner from Steve’s hands, and it wasn’t until he was getting ready for bed that he took a look at the new flowers. It wasn’t too rare for the flowers to change. Something having to do more with your thoughts of the person then your unrequited love. 

Only thing was, Bucky knew what the tiny blue flowers were. Forget-me-nots were Becca’s favorite flower and every year Steve made her a birthday card covered in them. Personally, Bucky thought they fit Steve more than the pink petals he has been hacking up and almost didn’t want to hide them away.

Still, Steve would see them and Bucky couldn’t have that, so he reluctantly tossed them into the sink before turning on the water to wash them down. If Steve was there, he probably could tell Bucky the symbolism of watching the forget-me-nots whirl around before going down the drain, but Steve was asleep and Bucky wanted to join him.

 _I’ll move our beds back tomorrow. It’s still too cold at night for Steve._ Bucky thought, clearing his throat one more time before going to the bedroom.

* * *

“What do you mean you’re not coming?”

Steve gave a slight cough before meeting Bucky head on.

“I told you I need to finish this for class,” Steve said tapping his drawing with his pencil.

“And why can’t you do that tomorrow?” 

Bucky didn’t really care if Steve came to dinner, but Steve always came with Bucky so he was a little worried that Steve’s allergies this spring were worse than he’s letting on.

“I’m working tomorrow.”

“Not for the whole day... come on Steve. Ma’s going to think you died in your sleep if you don’t come,” Bucky joked, and from Steve’s deadpan expression, it was a good one. 

“Fine. If you are going to be such a jerk about it, I’ll come.”

“Hey, Ma only makes latkes when you come over nowadays. Think of my sisters Rogers.”

“Right, and that has nothing to do with you wanting them,” Steve said before pausing in his drawing and looking up at Bucky. “How come you never make them? It’s just potatoes and oil right?”

“Eh, that’s more Ma’s thing than mine,” Bucky said with a shrug, and for a moment it looked like Steve was going to argue, but instead started coughing.

“Steve, you okay?” Bucky asked, but as he took a step closer, Steve started waving him off.

“I’m fine.”

Bucky seriously doubted that from how Steve kept coughing, but only went to get some water instead of Steve’s medicine like he wanted to. Steve was only wheezing a little by the time he set the glass down, but that could just be Steve being too stubborn again.

“Listen, Steve, if you don’t feel up for it-”

“I told you I’ll come,” Steve said with a glare before drinking all of the water.

“Okay,” Bucky reluctantly agreed, since it was impossible to change Steve’s mind when he was like this.

And Bucky really did want Steve to come.

“Bucky, weren’t you meant to leave ten minutes ago?”

Bucky looked to the old clock that used to be Sarah’s and cursed before rushing out the door. Running most of the way, Bucky ended up being only a few minutes late and no one really noticed. Him being a little late was no trouble, but having to excuse himself to cough up flowers got a few looks. 

The pink petals were back, but the forget-me-not liked to make an appearance every so often. Nothing Bucky couldn’t deal with, though it was getting annoying at this point.

By the time he was back from work, Steve was already wearing his second best suit and even combed his hair.

“Wow Steve, Becca is going to love you looking so sharp.”

“Haha, very funny Buck,” Steve said with a pout.

“I know. Maybe instead of boxing I should be one of those stand up comedians at the bar.”

“You would get booed off the stage after your first joke.”

“Ouch, that’s harsh Steve. I think I would last at least two jokes,” Bucky said as he helped Steve fix his tie.

For someone who is so arty, Steve was awful at anything close to being related to fashion.

“How did you even get this in a knot so tight? Did you use glue?”

“I was just doing it like you showed me.”

“Well you were either doing it wrong or I was mental that day I showed you,” Bucky said before fixing it. “There, now Becca will swoon all over you.”

“Bucky she’s 12. The only thing she swoons over is my art, and that’s ‘cause she doesn’t know better.”

“Hey that’s not true. Your art is already better in everyone else in your class and that’s even when you use red for the trees instead of green,” Bucky said, giving Steve a pat on the shoulders when he became aware that they were standing too close for too long. “Anyways, we should get going.”

Bucky’s family moved out of Brooklyn a few years ago thanks to his Pa’s job picking up more patrons. Taking the train was better than walking all the way, though they both have done that before. 

“Hey Ma,” Bucky got out before being crushed in a hug by his much shorter mom.

Even Steve was taller than her, but not by much. 

“Nice to see you two, but would it kill you to visit more than once a month? It doesn’t even take you an hour to walk here.”

“Sorry Ma, I’ll try to visit more often,” Bucky said before pushing himself and Steve passed his mom.

The house was older than the apartment they grew up in, but didn’t feel as cramped. The best part was probably not hearing your neighbors all hours of the day. 

“Is that James?” Bucky heard his dad call out from the living room, already listening to his favorite radio show. 

“Steve is here too.”

“Of course he is, have you had your growth spurt yet son?” He asked Steve once they entered the room.

Becca gave a wave before getting back to whatever book she was reading. Bella was looking like she was two seconds from shushing them all so she could hear the radio, and her twin Bethy was probably helping out in the kitchen. 

“Not yet Mr. Barnes,” Steve politely answered and Bucky shorted, earning him a glare.

“Well, never too late to hang onto that hope, also I thought I told you to call me George.”

“Sorry I forgot.”

“Uh huh, sure you did,” George said before getting back in his chair.

“Steve, did you bring any of your drawings today?” Beth asked only a few seconds later.

“Wow, you waited a whole minute before asking. I am super impressed, Becca.”

“Shut your face.”

“Hey, language!” Their mom yelled from the other room, causing Steve to snicker because the ass thought that was the funniest thing ever.

“I brought my sketchbook over if you want to take a look. It’s not very good but-” Becca took the book out of Steve’s hand before he even had a chance to finish talking.

Bucky, being the amazing friend and big brother that he was, leaned over to take a look making sure to use Becca’s head as an armrest.

“Is that the back of my head?”

“The only time you stay still is when you're sleeping,” Steve said like that makes things better.

“Do you often draw me while I’m sleeping?” Bucky teased, wishing that it meant more than it probably does.

“Not like there is a whole lot to draw in our place.”

Which was about what Bucky was expecting, even if Steve’s cheeks were looking a bit like a blush.

“How do you do shading this well?” Becca muttered, apparently completely ignoring their conversation.

Steve then started talking about the art techniques he’d been learning in his class that went right over Bucky’s head. Becca seemed to be following if how many times she nodded her head and disrupted Bucky’s nice armrest meant anything.

“Rebecca, James, go set the table!”

“Maaaa, I’m talking to Steve, why can’t Bethy set the table?” Becca complained, and for once Bucky stayed silent.

“‘Cause I asked you!” 

“Hey go yell in the other room, there’s only ten more minutes left,” Bethy hissed out with a glare.

“Come on, I’m sure Steve will help out, would you?” Bucky asked, even fluttering his eyelashes like some girls would do to him.

“Stop that, I’ll help,” Steve said while punching him in the arm.

“Did you seriously just punch me with your thumb stuck into your fist? I told you not to do that when we were _12_ Steve,” Bucky argued as they walked to the dinner table.

“My thumb wasn’t in my fist, maybe you need glasses.”

“Steve we know for a fact that you do need glasses so don’t joke about that you punk,” Bucky said even though he was smiling a little.

“They don’t make glasses for color blindness you jerk,” Steve said with a glare and Bucky laughed.

“Hey, we don’t know that. Maybe in the future they’ll have something to fix your eyes. Then you’ll have no reason to say your art is bad.”

Steve didn’t say anything to that, just taking the plates Becca got out. It didn’t take them very long to get the table set, and then it was time for dinner.

“James, how's the clerk job at Robert’s palace treating you?” His dad after just after they started eating, and Bucky really wished it would have taken a little longer before getting into this.

“I’m not working there anymore, got an accounting job at one of the factories.” 

“You got another new job?” His mom interrupted, and Bucky resisted the urge to sigh.

“Yes ma, I got another job. The old one wasn’t working out.”

“Isn’t that the third time since last spring? You know you’re always welcome to help out at the shop.”

“Thanks Pa, but I’m fine,” Bucky said with a plastered smile.

Not like he was going to tell his parents that the last three jobs he got fired for having to leave early because Steve was sick or someone let him know Steve had gotten into another fight. Steve didn’t even know about him losing his job after the first time, and it was going to stay that way. His old bosses were assholes anyway.

“What about you Steve, how’s school?” Winnifred said, and Bucky welcomed the topic change.

Only Bucky made the mistake of looking at Steve who was animatedly talking about some new art style he’s been trying out and suddenly felt like he was choking. 

“Sorry, bathroom,” Bucky was able to get out before getting out as fast as he could.

He ended up coughing the flowers up in the sink of the washroom, with not even enough time to close the door. This time it wasn’t the pink petals or the forget-me-nots, but little white flowers which looked a little like spiders with their long thin petals and the middle bits that have the pollen.

Bucky just stared at them blankly while trying to get his throat completely cleared when he heard a gasp.

“You have the flower disease again?” 

Bucky turned around to see Becca in the doorway, and quickly pulled her in and shut the door.

“Do not tell anyone.”

“Who is it? Is it the same person you had it for two years ago?” Becca asked, looking excited like this was a fun love story and nothing something that could end his closest friendship.

“Becca I’m serious. Do not let anyone know.”

“I won’t tell anyone if you tell me who it’s for,” Becca tried arguing, but Bucky just glared at her.

“Fine, I won’t tell...oh is it your old boss’s daughter and that’s why you were fired?”

“I wasn’t fired, Becca, it just wasn’t working out.”

“Then...is it Steve?” Becca innocently asked, like that was just the next logical answer.

“What?”

“Samuel said that Steve looked like one of those fairies, which I’m pretty sure was an insult so I stepped on his foot, but then I asked Ma what that meant and she said it was a type of illness? And you know how many of those Steve has-”

“Becca stop,” Bucky said while taking a deep breath, “Steve isn’t like that.”

“So it is for Steve?” Becca said with all the confidence an annoying little sister could have.

“Becca it doesn’t matter. Leave it.”

“I bet if you put Steve in a dress and find a half blind rabbi or priest you could get married,” Becca continued like Bucky didn’t say anything.

“We’re not-” Bucky started to yell before remembering where they were and how everyone was just separated by a door and a few feet of hallway. “I’m not going to get married to _Steve_. It’s just a weird crush and I’ll get over it.”

“But you already live together, and go on dates-”

“With girls! They are double dates-”

“-and I’m pretty sure those are honeysuckle,” Becca concluded, pointing at the forgotten flowers in the sink.

Bucky made sure to quickly turn the sink on and wash them down, wishing that he thought to do so before.

“Do you know what honeysuckle represents? Bonds of love.”

“What?”

“Read it in a book. It’s for really strong love, not just a crush,” Becca said with an all too knowing smile.

“Okay. Fine. You got me. I’m in love with my best friend. However, nothing is going to change because it’s just me. Steve doesn’t feel the same and I’m not going to ruin our friendship because of this,” Bucky said, making sure his voice was kept low despite the roaring in his ears.

Becca’s teasing smile was gone, but before Bucky could get out of there she spoke back up.

“Are you sure?”

“I am sure what? That I’m in love with-”

“That Steve doesn’t feel the same way. Have you bothered asking him?”

“No. Why would I? Steve likes dames,” Bucky said, like the fact that he likes girls and boys couldn’t also be true for Steve.

“I just know Steve hates it when people _assume_ things about him,” Becca said before giving him a look and walking to the door.

“Becca, I am serious about not telling anyone. If you do I’ll tell Ma it was you who broke the clock last year.”

“I wasn’t planning on telling, but that is a low blow.”

Bucky waited a few seconds after Becca left, trying to listen to whatever excuse she gave to the family. Then once he felt calm enough to face everyone, Bucky came back to the table.

Almost everyone was finished eating, and Bucky ignored the questioning look Steve sent him.

Bethy was talking about some boy she’s been seeing and their dad was doing his best to make sure he’s not taking advantage of her. A look over at Becca’s assumed expression proved that she was the one who brought up the boyfriend, likely to save Bucky from any questions.

Bethy’s not going to be too happy about that. 

“I’m pretty much an adult!”

“You are 16 and I’m not ready to be a grandfather yet.”

“DAD!”

The argument kept going to the point where Steve and him were at the front door saying bye with yelling still happening in the living room.

“...and try to stop by more often, even if it’s just to say hi. You too Steve, you are practically part of this family.”

“Thanks Mrs. Barnes,” Steve said with all the politeness that Sarah forced down his throat. 

The door closed while they walked down the steps, and Bucky could just feel Steve about to ask him what happened during dinner.

“So what do you think about sneaking in to see the Dodgers?” Bucky asked, and Steve launched into the discussion of wanting to see the game vs. stealing vs. how overpriced the tickets were that lasted all the way back home.

* * *

It was well into spring and Bucky felt like his affliction was getting better. The honeysuckles made a few more appearances, but still nowhere as common as the pink petals or the forget-me-nots. The flower situation got to the point where it only happened once a day, and Bucky felt like he was in the clear.

“Excuse me, is Bucky here?”

It was some lady that Bucky had never met before, but her hair was all messed up and immediately put him on edge.

“I’m Bucky, what’s the matter Doll?”

“You’re friends with the sickly fella right? The one with the blond hair?”

“Steve?” Bucky asked and suddenly knew what this was about. “Where is he?”

“Behind the corner market, he was trying to help me but-” Bucky rushed out of the boxing ring before she could finish talking.

 _Of course Steve can’t even come to my match by himself without finding himself some trouble._ Bucky thought with a scowl as he darted past the few people on the streets at his hour.

When he got to the market, luckily the closest one and not the one by their place, Bucky could already hear the sounds of a fight. Bucky hardly even slowed down before rushing in, fist slamming into some guy’s jaw who was trying to kick Steve in the stomach.

There were three other guys, one already holding his bloody nose that Steve must have given him. Like always, Steve couldn’t get in a fight with people easy to fight against. Four on one wasn’t ideal, but Bucky got a few good hits in, and at some point Steve was able to get back up and knock one of them into a trash can. 

“You’re crazy!” One of them yelled, and that seemed to get the others to run off.

Bucky took a few deep breaths after they left, looking at Steve who had a black eye and a busted lip.

“You really couldn’t have waited until after my match?”

“They were messing with a girl and weren’t listening when she told them to stop. No one was-” Steve started to explain before getting into a coughing fit.

Bucky walked over and rubbed Steve on the back like he did during one of his asthma attacks. Bucky wanted to blame his post-fighting haste and making sure Steve was still breathing for not noticing that he was coughing _up_ something.

“Steve, what is this?” Bucky asked once Steve calmed down, looking at the little purple flowers that were spread out on the ground. 

“Nothing.”

“Really? Because it looks like you have the flower disease.”

Steve didn’t say anything as he stood up, and from the stubborn set of his jaw it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything.

“Seriously Steve? I’m not going to make fun of you. This is serious. You already have a bad lung, you don’t need to deal with this too. I’ll even give you advice for whatever girl you have it this bad for.”

“That’s not what this is Bucky,” Steve said as he pushed past him and back into the street.

“Oh, then I just imagined the bouquet you just left on the ground huh?”

Steve just walked faster, which didn’t do much since he even had a limp...

“Tell me they didn’t break your leg.”

“I just landed on it funny, but it’s not broken so just go back to your boxing match.”

“It already started. Might as well make your punk ass get home and not into another fight.”

They were silent on the walk back. Steve’s anger visible on his face and Bucky...

Well, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Any disappointment in the fact that Steve didn’t trust him to tell him about this was poisoned since Bucky did the same thing. Knowing that Steve was crushing after someone else was hard, but Bucky always knew it was going to happen someday. Steve was too good. It was only that people were too superficial to see how beautiful Steve really was. How strong he is in the ways that truly matter.

Bucky still wasn’t sure what he thought, but he did want to help Steve. If anyone deserved a chance at being in love, it’s Steve. 

He waited until they were back in their apartment, going to where he stashed the clean rags and cleaning alcohol. Then pointed to the chair that thankfully Steve sat in without argument.

“You know, at this rate maybe I should go to school and become a doctor. You’re giving me more than enough experience at this,” Bucky joked as he cleaned the cuts along Steve’s hands and arms.

“You could,” Steve said with a slight lisp from his quickly swelling lip, “Become a doctor that is. You’re smart enough for that.”

Bucky snorted.

“Not that type of smart. Besides, I don’t want to go back to school. One time was more than enough.”

It wasn’t too bad. The cuts already stopped bleeding and Steve’s lip was nasty looking, but Bucky didn’t think there was any dirt in it. Didn’t stop him from covering the rag in alcohol and giving it to Steve to hold against his lip while Bucky looked for something from the ice box to help with his black eye. 

“How’s your ankle?” Bucky asked when he found that bag of peas that he was supposed was still frozen.

“Not swollen. I told you I just landed on it funny.”

Bucky gave Steve the bag, which he right away placed over his eye. Then Bucky was sitting down and didn’t know what to do next. How to help Steve without him immediately saying no.

“Bucky just leave it.”

“I didn’t even say anything,” Bucky said, but since Steve was the one who brought it up... “I'm just wondering why you don’t tell whatever girl you’re crushing on instead of suffering like this. I always thought you liked getting punched, but now I wonder maybe you just like the pain.”

Bucky didn’t even need to look at Steve to feel the heat of his glare.

“That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?” Bucky challenged, because if there is one way to get Steve Rogers to talk, it’s by challenging him.

Steve continued to glare at him a moment longer, and Bucky met his gaze continuing to silently provoke Steve.

“What if it’s not for a girl?” Steve said like he was just daring Bucky to say something about that.

Bucky felt like his brain skidded to a stop. This whole time Bucky was so sure that Steve wasn’t like that. That Bucky didn’t have a chance. Turns out that his baby sister was correct in that he should have just _asked_ Steve.

“Well, then I would say not all of my tips will work. But, I’m sure some would,” Bucky heard himself say.

“I’m being serious Bucky,” Steve said with a frown, which looked even sadder with how his busted lip was sticking out.

“So am I. Obviously you’ll have to be careful no one else finds out, but I’ll still be your wingman.”

“You really believe you can just flirt with anyone, don’t you,” Steve said, now smiling a little which was all Bucky wanted.

His throat was starting to itch again, but this was more important.

“Of course. So who is it?” Bucky made himself ask.

Even though he might have a chance with Steve, it still doesn’t change the fact that Steve has it bad for someone else. And Bucky would be a shitty friend if he didn’t support that. It still might not work out, but Steve deserves to try.

“I...” Steve started to say before looking away.

Bucky didn’t even realize he was staring into Steve’s eyes for so long. Now he noticed the flush look on Steve’s check that had nothing to do with the fight they were just in and all to do with whoever Steve was thinking of. 

Bucky refused to feel jealous about this fella that has Steve’s heart without even knowing it. However, there was also a voice in this head whispering maybe, just maybe...

Bucky coughed. 

It was just once, but enough to grab Steve’s attention. Unfortunately, having Steve’s attention on him only had Bucky wonder more if he should just tell him. Just go out and say, ‘turns out that I like fellas too, small world huh’. Bucky wouldn’t even have to say that he -

Bucky started coughing again.

“Bucky are you okay?”

Bucky wanted to say he was fine, but he could feel the damn petals in his mouth and if he talked then it would be all over. He really should go to the other room, but Bucky was coughing too much to move. The petals just didn’t want to stay in his mouth.

“Do you need me to get some water? I could-”

Steve didn’t even get up before a full on red rose came out of Bucky’s mouth. He just stared at it, like Bucky was. Not like you can get any more of a love confession than a damn red rose. 

“Bucky what...” Steve just trailed off, not even moving his eyes from the flower to look at Bucky.

Bucky could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears, and couldn’t even feel glad that he no longer felt like he needed to cough before Steve knew. There was no hiding this.

“It’s for you,” Bucky heard someone say, and it took him way too long to recognize it was him who said it.

Apparently, when he’s too worried about ruining a life long friendship, the only thing left is his ability to flirt. 

“I...what?”

Bucky swallowed too loudly and gathered his courage to look up at Steve who was staring right at him looking...well, he didn’t look scared. Or angry. If Bucky had to place the strongest emotion showing on his friend’s face it would be the same expression he had back when letter back from his art school. That hopeful expression that Bucky didn’t see too much.

“You heard me,” Bucky got out, still looking Steve in the eye.

Bucky only looked away when Steve Adam’s apple started bobbing, but then his eye went right back to Steve’s beat-up face.

“So years ago, back in school was that also...”

“Yeah,” Bucky quietly admitted, looking away when he noticed the telltale signs of Steve getting mad.

“And what happened to not suffering? You really were giving me advice that you never followed?”

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Well, maybe I do!” Steve said and Bucky closed his eyes.

He knew this could happen, but he still didn’t think-

Suddenly Bucky’s eyes were forced open as Steve grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him. It was less of a kiss and more shoving their lips together, but it was still the best kiss ever in Bucky’s mind because it was just so _Steve_. Bucky really didn’t want to stop, but he pulled back after a few moments longer.

“Sorry, I just thought-” Steve started to say before Bucky cut him off with another kiss.

 _Another kiss._ Bucky thought hysterically, smiling like a fool.

“You thought right, punk. Only, we also managed to get your lip bleeding again so as much as I wouldn’t mind continuing, I also don’t want a mouth full of your blood,” Bucky said as he gently wiped the blood pooling on Steve’s lip with his thumb.

“Sorry I just... You really had seasonal flower allergies for me?” Steve said, like that thought was completely unbelievable.

“Yeah, every year,” Bucky said before remembering that Steve also was coughing up flowers a few minutes ago, “Wait, what about you? You never told me who you had it for?”

“Uh, thought me kissing you was pretty clear,” Steve said with the cockiest smile ever.

“I...shut up. I was a little distracted.”

“You were distracted,” Steve repeated, not losing his smile for a second.

If anything, it looked like it got brighter.

“Very distracted. What were you expecting me to be when my best fella suddenly kisses me.”

“And here I thought you had enough experience to not be distracted by just a kiss.”

“Pretty sure I said it was a kiss from you, so not _just_ a kiss,” Bucky said, and completely forgetting what he mentioned moments ago about not wanting blood in his mouth, Bucky closed the distance to place another kiss on Steve’s lips.

“You’re such a sap,” Steve laughed in between kisses.

“Guess I’m just your sap then,” Bucky said and he really needed to stop and let Steve’s lip heal. “I wasn’t joking about the blood though. That’s real gross Steve.”

“I guess we’ll just have to do something else besides kissing then,” Steve said and Bucky felt like all his thoughts left his brain.


	2. Steve

Steve was working on his homework for his art class. He had been working on it ever since the sun rose, and had to restart a few times. Steve wasn’t even sure he told Bucky good morning when he woke up since he was so focused. 

He did notice when Bucky started coughing though.

“You okay there Buck?” He asked, taking his eyes off his work to look at Bucky.

Bucky must have just rolled out of bed since his hair wasn’t fixed yet. Steve didn’t really get why Bucky spent so much time on his hair when even like this, it looked like something out of the movies.

“I’m fine. Just choked on my own spit,” Bucky said after a moment, obviously trying not to cough again.

Steve made a face at that. He really did not want to think about Bucky’s spit at the moment. 

“Gross,” Steve said, expecting Bucky to laugh or mess with him, but instead Bucky was silent as he got himself something to drink.

Bucky was being a little weird, but it could be he was hungover. Bucky was out late last night with his co-workers, an event that Steve was invited to, but elected not to go to. 

“I’m going to the grocery store, you want anything?” Bucky asked, long after Steve had gone back to his work.

All he needed to do was not mess up the last few lines, then he could start working on the shading, like what the assignment was all about.

“I’m fine,” Steve said more on reflex than anything.

Steve heard Bucky wait for a second longer, before taking his jacket and leaving. Steve had a second to wonder if he should have just gone with Bucky before the itching in his throat became too much.

It had started up again only a few days ago, and looking at the white petals, at least it hadn’t changed. Steve already looked it up when it started, since it was different than the flowers he got in the past.

Steve was pretty sure the white petals were Gardenia, a flower used to symbolize a secret love. Which was a good way of describing it since Steve didn’t know who the flowers were for.

A love so secret even Steve didn’t know about it.

There are so many romance novels out there about how someone (usually the male) will have seasonal flower allergies for the girl, and after confessing their love they get together. However, real life isn’t like that. It’s more complex and messy.

Steve’s had it for years now and just ignores it. Or at least tries to. Telling Bucky would just make him want to know who it's for and Steve doesn’t know who it’s for. This was one of the reasons why Steve didn’t want Bucky moving in to begin with. Hiding this from him is going to be impossible. 

But it’s better than Bucky trying to help and failing.

* * *

Steve was 14, soon to be 15 in only a few months, when he first coughed up a flower. He just sent Bucky off after spending hours together after school and his mom had come home from work.

Steve had been sniffly all week with watery eyes, and didn’t give much thought to why he was coughing until there was something in his hand.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Sarah said, making the connection long before Steve would.

“But, I’m not in love with anyone,” Steve said while he stared at the small red flower in his hand covered in saliva. 

“There’s different types of love. I’ll have to check in a book, but I’m fairly certain that this is a Geranium.”

“Geranium?”

“They say it symbolises true friendship,” Sarah said, and Steve knew who she was talking about.

“I thought you only got this when you’re in love and they don’t love you back?”

“Not necessary. It has to do with what you are feeling. This could very well be that your body thinks you need to tell Bucky how you value your friendship more often.”

“Oh,” was all Steve said, since that made sense.

Bucky was his only friend, but the same wasn’t true for Bucky. Bucky was popular with almost everyone and Steve wondered why he still hangs out with Steve the most. The wonder turned to worry and now he had a flower in his hand to show for it.

“I’ll tell him tomorrow,” Steve promised.

And he did.

“Hey Bucky, you know you’re my best friend right?” Steve blurted out while walking home.

Bucky had moved to a different area of Brooklyn a few years ago after little Becca was born, but he still walked with Steve to his apartment building. Steve had long stopped trying to find out why Bucky kept doing it.

“Of course I know that. I still won’t do your math homework for you though,” Bucky said with a smile, and Steve rolled his eyes at him.

“I wasn’t trying to butter you up. I just...wanted to tell you how much I value our friendship,” Steve said, and it felt like it was easier to breathe. 

Bucky gave him a weird look before throwing his arm around Steve’s shoulders, “Don’t worry I value our friendship as well. You’re also my best friend, and I don’t know what brought this up, but if anyone says differently they are wrong. I’m not hanging with you out of pity or anything like that. It’s because you’re a swell fella and no one else seems to notice that.”

Somehow Bucky was able to figure out part of Steve’s issues. People gossip all the time at school, and it would be impossible not to hear some of Bucky’s other friends or girls interested in Bucky talk about Steve. 

“...Thanks,” Steve said while making sure not to look at Bucky.

“Any time. If you need me to start introducing you as my best friend for now and forever I will.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“You sure? I think it would be a wonderful introduction-” Steve stepped on Bucky’s foot in order to get him to stop, but all that did was make Bucky start laughing. 

“I take it back. You are the worst friend.”

“Sounds like someone doesn’t want my help with math.”

“Thought you already said you wouldn’t help.”

“I said I wouldn’t do it for ya, not that I won’t help. I thought only one of your ears was bad?” Bucky joked and Steve shook his head.

“At this rate we won’t even get to my house before you’ll have to leave.”

“Then what are we waiting for?”

Steve didn’t cough up any flowers that night, or any other night that year. In fact, Steve thought he was cured and would never get it again. 

Then Steve coughed up some little purple petals when he was 16.

It was his 16th birthday and like always, he and Bucky went to watch the 4th of July fireworks.

“Pretty nice they set all this up just for your punk ass,” Bucky joked as he lay down on the hill they found.

Bucky’s shirt sleeves were rolled up, and with his arms folded behind his head, Steve could see his forearms easily in the fading light.

“Pretty nice they let a jerk like you watch them,” Steve responded as he looked away.

Another firework shot into the sky. Then a pause before it exploded in blues and purples.

“Not bad. I hope they have more of the ones that go bam bam bam,” Bucky said, making hand gestures to go with the ‘bam’ just in case Steve didn’t know what he was talking about.

“I don’t know. I like the color ones more.”

“You don’t even see half the colors... but I guess it is your birthday so I’ll see what I can do.”

“What, are you going to talk to them across the river and say that you want more colors in the fireworks?”

“Yep. Only the best for you,” Bucky said a little quietly, and Steve was looking at his face while another firework went off.

“Whoa, look at that beauty.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed even though he was still looking at Bucky.

It wasn’t until much later, after Bucky headed home and Steve was getting ready for bed trying not to wake his mom, that Steve noticed his throat was itchy. It was the middle of summer, so usually it was the one season that Steve was sickness free, but then Steve was coughing up flowers and he realized he got the flower allergy again. 

_Just my luck I would get it out of season too_ , Steve thought as he looked at the petals in the light.

It was different from the one he had for Bucky. Tiny purple ones. Steve had no idea who they were for and tossed the petals before anyone could see.

He would deal with it later.

* * *

“You’re going to wear that?”

“Yes? What’s wrong with it?” Steve asked, looking down at his shirt and pants.

Both were clean and free of holes. 

“It’s ugly.”

“No, it’s not,” Steve said, staring Bucky down who just gave him a look.

“I guess it’s fine. We’re going to meet with them soon.”

Steve really didn’t want to go on this double date. He never wanted to go on any of them, but this time it was also while Steve’d been coughing up flowers for the mystery person he was apparently in love with. 

“Come on, can you at least put on a smile for them? Marget’s real nice and you’ll love her,” Bucky continued to talk as he opened the door.

“I’m sure she is,” Steve couldn’t help but mutter.

Bucky had been avoiding him for the past few weeks, always too busy or tired, and now he wants to go out. It was ridiculous. 

They were meeting the girls at a cheap, but nice diner. Steve knew that Bucky took his dates there when he really wanted to go dancing but didn’t want to spend too much on the drinks.

“We are not dancing after this,” Steve sternly told Bucky, who made a laugh that sounded a bit like he was coughing, before turning and flashing him a smile.

“Let’s see how this date goes first,” Bucky said before opening the doors and spotting the two girls, “Ladies! I hope you weren’t waiting too long, Marget, this is my best friend Steve.”

“Nice to meet you,” Steve politely said, ignoring the way that Marget’s smile fell at the sight of him.

That was what happened every time. The girl gets excited that Bucky has a friend, but then when they see him they are disappointed. At best Steve will get a kiss on the check and she’ll tell him that he’s very nice but just can’t see them becoming anything more than friends. 

“Steve, this is Marget and her friend Ann,” Bucky continued like he didn’t even notice that the end of this date was just determined. 

“He’s... shorter than I thought,” Marget said but before Steve could come up with something to say to get out of this situation, Bucky opened his big mouth.

“Don’t worry, he’s big in all the ways that truly matter.”

Steve stepped on Bucky foot while the girls nervously laughed at the innuendo.

“What was that for?” Bucky hissed as they walked to a table.

“You know what that was for. You can’t say stuff like that.”

“What? I’m just speaking the truth,” Bucky said, looking completely innocent but Steve knew better. 

Things calmed down once they were seated. Bucky across from Steve, sitting with his date, while Steve sat awkwardly next to Marget. Bucky carried most of the conversation with Ann trying to flirt. Steve wasn’t anywhere close to being an expert at flirting, but even he could tell Ann was trying so hard that it was getting uncomfortable. 

“So, Bucky said you do art stuff?” Marget asked halfway through their meal, talking to Steve directly for the first time.

“Yeah, I do a few sketches.” 

Their conversation fell after that and Bucky met Steve’s eye for just a moment. The flirtatious smile he had made Steve feel warm in the face and for just a moment it felt like it was for him. Then Bucky turned back to Ann and suddenly Steve had to leave.

“Excuse me.”

Steve got to the room in the back, the worker not making a fuss about it, as flowers were pushing through his hand that was clamped over his mouth. There were yellow petals that Steve hadn't seen before, and while he tossed most of them into the sink to be washed down the drain, he put one in his pocket to look at later. Steve still felt like he was one cough away from spewing flowers all over the place, when there was a knock on the door.

“Steve? You alright in there?”

Steve took a deep breath, and opened the door. Bucky quickly got rid of his worried expression, but not quickly enough for Steve to avoid spotting it.

“I’m fine,” Steve said pushing past him.

“You sure? If you’re not feeling well we can go...”

“I said I’m fine. You can go back to Ann,” Steve said, but he noticed the girls were gone.

“They wanted to go dancing, but I wanted to wait for you to get back. You good enough for that or want to just call it a night?”

The last thing Steve wanted was to watch Bucky dance with Ann all night.

“You go dancing, I think I’ll head home myself.”

“You know, you’re never going to get better at dancing if you don’t practice.” 

“Next time,” Steve said, already walking away from Bucky’s disappointed look. 

If Steve left earlier in the night, Bucky would have gone with him, but once dancing was involved there wasn’t much that would change Bucky’s mind. Which was what Steve wanted. There was no reason why Steve should make Bucky come home even if Steve wanted him too.

Steve got home without any issues for once, but right away he grabbed his mother’s old encyclopedia for flowers and their meaning. The petal he kept looked to be a Hyacinth, which symbolized constancy. However, Steve read that the color changed the meaning, and that yellow represented jealousy.

For a second Steve wondered if it was really yellow and he was just seeing it wrong, because who would he have been jealous of? Steve was just with those two girls and Bucky...

_Shit._

Steve dropped the petal on the open page. It made a lot of sense. Steve already had the flower allergies for Bucky before. It is well documented that your flowers can change for a person as your thoughts about them change. Steve was thinking this whole time that his Gardenia flowers were for someone else, not Bucky. Not that Steve was in love with Bucky and didn’t even know it himself.

“Shit,” Steve repeated out loud, somehow making the fact that he was standing in front of an open flower book with his flower petal on it more apparent.

Steve just closed the book and placed it back on its shelf when the door opened. It was late, but not too late. No reason why Bucky should be back unless he was worried about Steve. Which he must be since Steve went home early and hadn’t gone dancing like they planned.

“You okay there Steve? You’re looking a little flush,” Bucky asked, treading that careful line of worry and teasing that he perfected when they were kids.

“I’m fine. Just getting ready for bed,” Steve said before walking out of the room.

Only then Steve realized that hadn’t really solved the problem. Their beds were still pushed together for the winter, and even though they have been sharing a bed since they were 8, it felt like a bigger deal now. Steve just needed to act like everything was normal until he figured out what he wanted to do. 

* * *

Nothing happened that night, or the night after. Steve knew Bucky was starting to get worried, no doubt picking up on the fact Steve was hiding something. Steve was certain that Bucky thought Steve was down playing his allergies, which in a way he was, and not that Steve just realized that he’s been in love with his best friend for years. 

It was a relief going to his art classes that week. Just a few hours where Steve didn’t need to think about any of that. Just art. Steve was trying to leave as soon as possible, but still couldn’t help but question why Bucky was doing laundry. One of the reasons why living with Bucky wasn’t too bad was because they split up the chores. Steve did the washing and mending, Bucky did the cooking and cleaning. It worked but now Bucky was being weird and Steve kept worrying that maybe he knew.

Something that just made his throat itch every time he thought about it.

Luckily Bucky commented that Steve was going to miss his class, and Steve got all the way to the bottom of the stairs before the coughing started. The Gardenia were back, once again mocking this ‘secret love’ he has.

Steve knew he should just tell Bucky, but not now. Not when Bucky had an interview for a new job and while Steve doesn’t know what to say. He’d tell Bucky when the time was right and when he would deal with the possibility of rejection. Which was fine. Steve had to believe that their friendship would be strong enough to solve that awkwardness, and all Steve needed to do was make sure his confession didn’t make it worse.

“Rogers dearie, you really should be wearing more if you’re hacking like that.”

Steve easily put the flowers in his pocket before seeing that old woman who lived on the ground floor was poking her head out the door.

“Sorry, Mrs Graham,” Steve said as the old lady hummed at him before closing the door.

In his rush to get out, Steve forgot his jacket. Figuring that the embarrassment of going back was better than Bucky nagging him for going to class without it, Steve walked back up the stairs. Steve felt a little out breath from the flowers and almost running up the stairs, but that didn’t stop him from opening the door. 

“Sorry I forgot-” Steve started to say when he saw Bucky staring wide eyed at him, “Uh Bucky? Are you okay?” 

“Fine, you just...Did you forget your coat again?” 

Steve made a face, really hoping that Bucky wouldn’t notice. He really didn’t want to stay any longer and risk coughing. 

“I only got to the bottom of the steps before remembering, so you can’t get on me for forgetting,” Steve said instead of mentioning that Mrs. Graham reminded him after hearing his cough.

“Yeah I’m very proud you remember your coat and didn’t think to walk all the way to your class and back without it. Since that has never happened before,” Bucky said with his voice just oozing with sarcasm.

“Oh fuck off, Bucky,” Steve said trying not to smile.

Steve would never hear the end of it if Bucky found out he found out that Steve was fond of his mothering.

Steve ended up being only a few minutes late to class. Miss Clancy, their teacher, wasn’t even there yet. 

“Not like you to be late, Steve,” Annie said once Steve started setting up his easel. 

“Bucky was trying to do laundry and I wanted to make sure he didn’t use all the soap.”

“Oh, so _Bucky_ was the reason you were late,” Annie said in her usual teasing tone, but this time it made Steve turn to her in shock.

“What do you mean by that?” Steve asked in a whisper.

Annie looked surprised for a moment, before leaning over to him.

“There’s a lot of people like that in the art world, and as long as you’re good people will look the other way. I don’t think anyone here will care what you and Bucky do behind closed doors.”

“That’s not-” Steve started to say before it started to feel like something was trying to climb out of his throat, “Bucky’s not like that.”

Annie opened her mouth to say more, more of what Steve didn’t know, but then Miss Clancy walked in.

“Enough talk. You all better have your paints out and brushes in your hand by the time I set my case down.”

Steve turned around, getting out one of the tubes that was given to him as part of the class tuition. He squirted a dob on the palette before adding a few more, and mixing parts of it. Steve already had a pencil undersketch of what he wanted to draw from last class, and now he had to paint. 

Painting was enjoyable, but Steve couldn’t help but worry he was doing it wrong. Every time Miss Clancy walked over and hummed at him, Steve felt like he was going to soak his shirt with sweat. It wasn’t helping that Steve had to keep himself from coughing every few minutes.

Problem was, Steve couldn’t help but think about Bucky. It was obvious that Bucky loved women, and while Steve personaly doesn’t think there was any wrong with guys who didn’t, he’d gotten in enough fights to know most didn’t see it that way. It was luck the few times Steve’d been in those areas of town Bucky found him before cops were called. Therefore, Steve would think that if Bucky was interested in guys - in Steve - like that, he would know.

And since Bucky had never told Steve, it meant this was only one sided. Steve could just wait until he stopped being in love with Bucky like this then-

Steve covered his mouth just in time to prevent himself from getting flowers over his still wet painting. It didn’t last long, and Steve opened his hand to spot a single pink flower sitting innocently in his palm. A full flower, not just a clump of petals.

“I think Rogers just coughed up a flower,” one of the boys in the class (who was only there because his father was rich) said.

Steve looked up to see that everyone in the class was now staring at him. Back in school Steve was usually already out of class due to later winter sickness and this was the first time someone besides his mom saw him cough up flowers.

“That looks like a carnation.”

“I think pink’s the one that represents an unforgettable love.”

“No I think that’s the one that represents a mother’s undying love.”

“Well I think-”

“That’s enough. We are all adults here, so stop acting like a bunch of gossiping children,” Miss Clancy said as the classroom quieted almost immediately. 

Steve let out a breath. He really didn’t need the whole class analyzing the fact that the flower meant Steve was never going to get over Bucky. If he got over it one day, then Steve wouldn’t need to tell Bucky. However Steve wasn’t going to spend the rest of his life lying to his best friend.

“Hey Steve, is that for-”

“I said no talking,” Miss Clancy said before Annie could finish whatever she wanted to say.

The girl pouted, before turning back to her work.

Steve ended up putting the flower in his art bag and got back to work. He stopped thinking about Bucky long enough and Steve was too into his painting to care that he showed up.

“Hey Steve, done any nude paintings yet?” Bucky asked as a hello while he leaned over the canvas.

Steve ignored him and his frantic thoughts about the flower in his bag just by Bucky’s feet. Steve was close to done, and they only had a few more minutes before Miss. Clancy would have to kick him out.

“I told you that was last Thursday,” Steve said without much thought.

“Wait, what?”

With that, Steve leaned back to look at Bucky’s shocked face and almost laughed at it.

“Sad that you missed it?”

“No,” Bucky said a little too quickly.

“Don’t worry Barnes, the guy wasn’t as cute as you,” Annie said, and Steve turned to her with a warning look.

Annie was an okay dame, but he didn’t want her to bring up what happened. If - when - Steve told Bucky it would be on his terms when the time was right. 

“It was a guy?” Bucky asked, interrupting Steve’s stare down.

“We rotate the models to get everyone used to drawing different people. It’s also a paid position if you are interested, Barnes,” Miss Clancy said like that was a good idea.

Like Bucky being a nude model was a good idea. Like Steve drawing Bucky nude was-

“Bucky can’t be a model,” Steve said before he could continue down that rabbit hole.

“I could be a model. You draw me enough to be one,” Bucky said with that smirk of his.

“Oh, Steve you draw Barnes?” Steve heard Annie say, but Steve only had eyes for Bucky

“Not like _that_.”

Steve would never draw Bucky like that without his permission, and he was afraid what would happen if Steve asked.

“Hey Miss. Clancy, how’s the pay?” 

“Bucky, don’t,” Steve warned.

Steve didn’t even know why Bucky was continuing with this joke, but he shouldn’t promise things he won’t end up doing.

“$5 if you only do this class, $20 if you’re willing to model for my other classes as well. You’re a keen example of a young healthy male after all.”

“Hear that Steve? I’m a keen example of a young- oof.”

Steve elbowed Bucky in the side before he could continue. “Stop joking. You can’t even sit long enough for me to sketch your hand.”

“Well, maybe I just didn’t have the right motivation before,” Bucky said with a look Steve swear he saw him use on the girls.

Which doesn’t make any sense, because why would Bucky be looking at him like that?

“I don’t need an answer till three weeks from now Barnes, and class is dismissed,” Miss. Clancy said, but it didn’t seem like Bucky or Steve were listening.

Bucky was the first to look away, and started gathering up Steve’s art supplies. That was enough to get Steve to remember the flower in his bag and took over. 

* * *

It had been over a week since Steve realized he was in love with his best friend. Bucky was gone most of the day, getting ready for his boxing match that evening, which gave Steve way too much time to think.

Steve came to the conclusion that Bucky deserved to know, but Steve was just too much of a coward to tell him. Not like the flowers were too annoying. Not much worse than the allergies he already got every spring. Steve could very easily see himself suffering through it as long as he could. 

“Come on Dollface, we could have one more dance before leaving,” Steve heard as he walked passed the market on the corner.

“I told you I’m not like that. Now I really should be going-” 

“See, I know you keep saying that, but it doesn’t make me think you’re telling the truth,” the guy said as he grabbed the women by her wrists.

“Hey! She made it clear she wants to leave, so let go of her,” Steve said as he ran over to them.

“Mind your own business kid,” the guy said, trying to drag the lady with him, but this time Steve put his body in their way.

“I said. Let her go.”

Steve only really noticed two things during the fight. One, the lady left as soon as the guy punched Steve in the stomach, and two, three of his friends showed up. Steve was doing fine until it became four on one, Bucky having shown him how to fight a while ago if only to keep him from bleeding out in the middle of the street. 

At some point, Steve got knocked to the ground and was forced to cover his head. One of them got him a few times while he was down, then Bucky showed up. 

Like always, Steve was split between feeling relief at seeing Bucky and annoyance that he needed the help to begin with. At least with there being three guys, Bucky needed his help, even if the only thing Steve could do was divide their attention.

“You’re crazy!”

With one of the guys screaming that, it seemed to get the other two to run away as well. Steve tried to get his breath back, but it felt like he was going to have an asthma attack.

“You really couldn’t have waited until after my match?” Bucky asked, giving him that look.

Steve straightened up as much as he could, looking Bucky in the eye.

“They were messing with a girl and weren’t listening when she told them to stop. No one was-” 

Suddenly Steve fell to the ground and all too late he realized it wasn’t an asthma attack he was having. 

“Steve, what is this?” 

“Nothing,” Steve said, wondering that maybe the flower would just disappear if they ignored it.

“Really? Because it looks like you have the flower disease.”

Steve clenched his jaw. This wasn’t how he wanted Bucky to find out. Steve barely even noticed how they were new flowers before getting up.

“Seriously Steve? I’m not going to make fun of you. This is serious. You already have bad lungs, you don’t need to deal with this too. I’ll even give you advice for whatever girl you have it this bad for.”

“That’s not what this is Bucky,” Steve said as he held on to his anger at the situation and pushed passed Bucky.

“Oh, then I just imagine the bouquet you just left on the ground huh?” Bucky said, and Steve just ignored him.

Steve just needed time to think, to figure out how to fix this.

“Tell me they didn’t break you leg,” Bucky said before they even made it out of the back alley, but for one Steve was grateful for the distraction

“I just landed on it funny, but it’s not broken so just go back to your boxing match.”

That would give Steve a few hours. Maybe enough long enough to come up with some ‘girl’ he has a crush on.

“It already started, might as well make your punk ass get home and not into another fight.”

Steve could have pushed it, but he didn’t. Instead, they just walk home in complete silence that Steve hardly even noticed.

It seemed like his time was up. Steve needed to tell Bucky the truth, not some lie. It was the right thing to do. And even if Bucky was disgusted with him and no longer wanted to be friends, well, maybe they weren’t really as good of friends as Steve thought.

As soon as Bucky unlocked their door he disappeared into the bathroom where they kept the medical supplies. More than familiar with this routine, Steve sat down and let Bucky clean his lip, which he didn’t even notice was bleeding.

“You know, at this rate maybe I should go to school and become a doctor. You’re giving me more than enough experience at this.” 

“You could,” Steve said, looking at Bucky before looking away again, “Become a doctor that is. You’re smart enough for that.”

Bucky snorted.

“Not that type of smart. Besides, I don’t want to go back to school. Once was more than enough.”

Steve frowned to himself at that. Bucky did great at school and he overheard the teacher talking to him about going to college a few times. Only reason why he didn’t was because his paycheck is always split between his family and helping Steve. The fact that Steve was now taking classes and Bucky still wasn’t made it even worse.

“How’s your ankle?” Bucky asked, unknowingly interrupting Steve’s thoughts.

“Not swollen. I told you I just landed on it funny.”

Bucky still ended up making Steve put some frozen peas on it, then kept staring at him in thought. Steve didn’t need to be a mind reader to know that now that Bucky was done with fixing Steve up he was thinking about the flowers again.

“Bucky, just leave it,” Steve said even though he knew that would get Bucky to talk about it.

But maybe he would get lucky and for once Bucky would leave it alone.

“I didn’t even say anything,” Bucky said, and like Steve feared, only paused for a few seconds before continuing, “I just wondering why you don’t tell whatever girl you’re crushing on instead of suffering like this. I always thought you liked getting punched, but now I wonder maybe you just like the pain.”

Every time Bucky mentioned a girl Steve felt worse, but anger was easier to deal with and so he spit out, “That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?” 

It was a challenge, and Steve knew that. Steve knew that Bucky was baiting him but it felt like his throat was going to fill up with flowers again if he didn’t get it out.

“What if it’s not for a girl?” 

It felt like everything stopped. Steve watched as genuine shock filled Bucky’s face, but before Steve could get worried or try to take back what he said, Bucky plastered on a smile. The kind that Steve knew was fake and hiding whatever he was really feeling.

“Well, then I would say not all of my tips will work. But, I’m sure some would.” 

“I’m being serious Bucky,” Steve said, unable to keep from frowning.

He wanted Bucky to be honest with him. Steve didn’t want to tell Bucky the truth if he’s just going to pretend he was okay with it. 

“So am I. Obviously you’ll have to be careful no one else finds out, but I’ll still be your wingman.”

“You really believe you can just flirt with anyone, don’t you,” Steve said, trying not to laugh at the idea of Bucky trying to be Steve’s wingman at wooing Bucky.

Some of the amusement must have shown, since Bucky started smiling for real. It was a little sad looking, but that must mean Bucky doesn’t think Steve is sick for liking a guy. Might change that thought once it comes out it’s Bucky, but for a moment it seemed like it would be okay.

“Of course. So who is it?” 

Then Bucky had to ask that again, and this time Steve was out of excuses .

“I...” Steve wanted to tell Bucky but looking at him got to be too much.

Steve looked away, looked at their wall paper that had a water stain along the top from the upstairs neighbor's tub. Why was it so hard to just come out and say it?

_Hey Bucky, turns out I’ve been in love with you for years and only realized a few weeks ago._

How hard would it be to just say that and then...

Bucky coughed. It was just once, but it was enough to break Steve out of his thoughts and look at him. At first, Steve thought Bucky was trying to suddenly tell him to hurry on and tell him who it was, or even trying to make fun of him, but then Bucky started coughing again.

“Bucky are you okay?”

Steve didn’t think he'd ever heard Bucky cough that much, even when they first tried smoking together.

“Do you need me to get some water? I could-” Steve started to ask, already getting up when Bucky coughed up something.

A red rose. There was a single red rose laying on their table that Bucky coughed up

“Bucky what...” Steve wasn’t even able to finish asking his question.

Steve knew this meant that Bucky had the flower disease, but that was...

_I can’t tell Bucky I'm in love with him if he loves someone else._

And red roses were a sign of romantic love. Not just a crush, but someone who you love deeply. It would be fair for Steve to tell Bucky if...

“It’s for you.”

Steve looked away from the rose and at Bucky who was now at the table. 

“I...what?” Steve asked since there was no way he heard that correctly.

Not like it would have been the first time he heard something wrong due to his bad ear. But then Bucky slowly lifted his head up to look Steve in the eye.

“You heard me.”

Steve felt like he couldn’t breath. Bucky had it before, but that was years ago and was for Carley. That only lasted a few weeks but...

_Did Bucky ever say it was for Carley?_

Getting the flower disease for two different people was rare. It would make much more sense that similar to Steve, Bucky got it for the same person and it was just never solved.

“So years ago, back in school was that also...”

“Yeah,” Bucky said in a whisper.

It was then that Steve realized that Bucky knew. This wasn’t a case of being obvious, but Bucky must have known it was for Steve the first time it happened and never told him.

“And what happened to not suffering? You really were giving me advice that you never followed?” Steve nearly yelled.

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” Bucky admitted and that was the last straw.

“Well, maybe I do!” 

Steve wasn’t really thinking when he lunged at Bucky to kiss him. Bucky told him enough times how to kiss properly, and Steve had done it a few times no matter what Bucky thought, but this was different. This was Steve trying to pour what he wanted to say into Bucky since words were failing both of them.

Years of misunderstanding. That’s what this was, and Steve was tired of it.

* * *

Heliotrope. That’s what Steve coughed up after the fight that led to them getting their heads out of their asses.

“It was a little more blue then that.”

Steve ignored Bucky who was ‘practicing’ modeling. Steve wasn’t even planning on drawing Bucky until he dramatically landed on the couch wearing nothing but his undergarments since it was getting hot out. Then Steve decided adding Bucky to his drawing wouldn’t be the worst idea.

“You can’t even see what I’m drawing from over there.”

Turns out ignoring Bucky was impossible. Who would have thought.

“I saw what you were drawing when I first came back from work.”

“Well maybe I changed it.”

“Oh did you?”

Steve was forced to set aside his drawing as Bucky came over.

“Wow Stevie, I love how you placed the roses to cover my underwear,” Bucky teased and he leaned over.

“I thought you might enjoy that,” Steve said as he stuck his hand in Bucky’s hair to pull his head down enough for him to kiss.

It lasted a little longer then Steve was planning, and when Bucky pulled back he asked in a husky voice, “Are you going to put yourself in it?”

“No, but maybe I’ll make you something like this for your birthday.”

“But I just had my birthday a few months ago. You’re a cruel boyfriend,” Bucky joked, but Steve couldn’t help but beam at the fact of being called Bucky’s boyfriend.

Not like they could go out on dates, but Steve was happy enough with what they had. The novelty of being boyfriend, and Bucky calling Steve that in their home, still hasn’t worn off.

“That just gives me more time to make it perfect.”

Steve usually avoided doing self portraits, but if Bucky wanted one he'd suffer through it.

“Anything you make is already perfect.”

Steve laughed at that.

“What, I’m being honest here you punk.”

“I’m sure you think you are, you sap,” Steve said with a smile so large it was making his cheeks hurt a little.

Steve had no idea if this was something that would last. People would ask why Bucky has stopped going out on dates, and his own family will ask why Bucky is still single, but for now it was enough. They were happy and that was all Steve cared about. Everything else they would have to figure out along the way.

Together.


End file.
